UN TAKEOVER CONFIRMED: Van Convoy Spooking Concerned Citizens

"Jack Does Cars" (jackdoescars)
08/05/2016 at 22:37 • Filed to: Conspiracy

RALEIGH, NC: Locals are reporting convoys of Mercedes Sprinter vans patrolling local streets, instilling fear into local citizens.

This grouping of vans was spotted on a semi-rural road that leads to a government run water treatment plant. Some are starting to believe that these vans house mind-altering chemicals which are being added to the water. Think chemtrials, but in your local water supply.

Others are under the belief that these vans are rounding up so-called, “dissidents,” and taking these detractors to the totally real FEMA camps.

While the official business of these vans is unknown, we all know that they are up to no good. Why else would convoys of intimidating vehicles be potentially terrorizing the community?

The truth is out there. Harambe lives. Don’t trust the occupants of the black vans.

DISCUSSION (33)

Under_Score > Jack Does Cars
08/05/2016 at 22:47

Harambe is in the back of one of those vans.

Jack Does Cars > Under_Score
08/05/2016 at 22:55

Middle van for extra protection.

wafflesnfalafel > Jack Does Cars
08/05/2016 at 22:57

We got one of them feemur camps going up in our neighborhood - rumor has it they have free slurpees.

Jack Does Cars > wafflesnfalafel
08/05/2016 at 23:02

What flavor of Slurpees?

whoarder is tellurium > Jack Does Cars
08/05/2016 at 23:03

I wonder if Sprinters can run on jet fuel. I hope they aren’t made out of steel beams too.

Birddog > Jack Does Cars
08/05/2016 at 23:07

It’s actually our new Trumpian overlords making preparations. They’re setting up re-education camps for the detractors.

Jack Does Cars > whoarder is tellurium
08/05/2016 at 23:17

Well they are diesel, so I guess they can run on jet fu-OH I SEE WHAT YOU DID NOW OK

Jack Does Cars > Birddog
08/05/2016 at 23:20

I’ve heard that on respectable media, such as my uncle Jim’s conspiracy WordPress page. He’s really into this kinda thing. Like, he believes that Obama is actually working for the EU and that America is going to replace Britain’s spot. He loves Ron Paul.

Spridget > Jack Does Cars
08/05/2016 at 23:22

Does he know what “European Union” stands for?

Spridget > Jack Does Cars
08/05/2016 at 23:26

Tupac is back in the US!

Svend > Birddog
08/05/2016 at 23:28

You mean ‘de-education’ right?

Jack Does Cars > Spridget
08/05/2016 at 23:28

He lives in a town of 400 people. He doesn’t understand how Europe works. But he did drive an MG until it rusted through. He now has a Ford Fusion, or as he calls Ford, “the only real American brand,” after Chrysler got bought by, “the fascists,” and when he decided that GM was a, “welfare queen.” He’s a real riot.

Jack Does Cars > Spridget
08/05/2016 at 23:40

Naturally. Cuba isn’t safe for him anymore.

Birddog > Svend
08/05/2016 at 23:46

Shhh! They watch everything!

RallyWrench > Jack Does Cars
08/06/2016 at 00:20

They could just be wine tasting, if you have that back there. Shiny black limo vans are all over the place for that reason here. But it’s probably the gubmint, contaminating your water. All that damn fluoride, altering your mind. Keeps your teeth nice though.

Svend > Birddog
08/06/2016 at 00:26

We’ve been watched for many years, it’s now just a new group but they are only watching you. I’m all good. :p

Svend > Jack Does Cars
08/06/2016 at 00:37

Sounds like my grand father, every year he gets worse and worse.

Sam > Jack Does Cars
08/06/2016 at 00:44

My uncle has a MBA and my aunt is a high-level saleswoman. I went to their place and they watched some old documentary about the Kennedy “conspiracy” twice.

I told him how I felt about it (everyone that could’ve been involved is too dead for it to matter anymore), so we watched the full archive broadcast of the 1973 Indy 500. Now that was something I could get behind.

Sam > wafflesnfalafel
08/06/2016 at 00:47

There’s an Amtrak service station in Beech Grove, Indiana (nearby to where I’m at) that nutjobs are fully convinced is a feemur extermination camp. Its especially funny because it is literally an active functioning service and teardown facility. BUT THE BARBED WIRE FACES INWARDS OH MY GOD CONSPIRACY GOVERNMENT MOON LANDINGS OSWALD WAS A FALL GUY.

Jack Does Cars > RallyWrench
08/06/2016 at 06:48

The vans are actually owned by a local limousine service. There’s a bunch of upper class neighborhoods that way, and I assume that company was hired to pick up people and bring them other places.

Under_Score > Jack Does Cars
08/06/2016 at 07:11

He’ll get to see what he has become.

RallyWrench > Jack Does Cars
08/06/2016 at 09:39

Makes sense. Or maybe that’s just what they want you to believe...

Jack Does Cars > RallyWrench
08/06/2016 at 11:32

Exactly.

LOREM IPSUM > Jack Does Cars
08/06/2016 at 13:15

Perhaps it’s Mercedes testing their vans there in an effort to determine why they have sold absolutely none of them in North Carolina?

Jack Does Cars > LOREM IPSUM
08/06/2016 at 13:18

They actually sell a lot here, I see them everywhere. But then again, they could all be working for The Corporation.

LOREM IPSUM > Jack Does Cars
08/06/2016 at 13:42

I was just being cheeky. I figured NC could solidly be a GM/Ford/Chrysler buying kind of state.

Jack Does Cars > LOREM IPSUM
08/06/2016 at 14:02

Yeah, more rural and agricultural areas have an abundance of American branded vehicles, trucks and Jeep’s mostly. In the cities and metropolitan areas (Raleigh, Greensboro, Charlotte, Wilmington, Asheville, etc.), foreign makes run the show. Here in The Suburbs, I see more BMW’s than I do F-150's. Contrary to what the news will say, the peoples of NC are pretty progressive overall (only speaking about the suburban Raleigh areas, as every major area houses neocons and stuff), and I’m glad that I live here.

Spridget > Jack Does Cars
08/06/2016 at 16:40

Just saw a convoy of navy blue trucks with sirens, no identification, and government plates on the highway. Invasion is imminent!

Kinja'd!!!

Jack Does Cars > Spridget
08/06/2016 at 16:45

Central NC is under serious threat. In all honesty, that is kinda sketchy.

Spridget > Jack Does Cars
08/06/2016 at 17:11

Ok, there was a piece of printer paper taped to back IDing it as an US Army vehicle. The Army uses I85 as a path for convoys a lot.

Jack Does Cars > Spridget
08/06/2016 at 18:08

US Army. You know what that rhymes with? Yep, that’s right, CIA.

Spridget > Jack Does Cars
08/06/2016 at 18:19

And do you know how many letters are in CIA? Yep, that’s right, 28. If you add 2 and 8 together, you get ten. Do you know what word has ten letters? That’s right, ILLUMINATI.

Jack Does Cars > Spridget
08/06/2016 at 19:02

Let’s analyze: Illuminati. The first three letters of Illuminati are the first three letters Illuminati. A triangle has three sides. Illuminati is Illuminati confirmed.